Christina McKelvy: 0:15

Welcome to Apology Stories of Hope, healing and Resilience. I'm your host, christina McKelvey, today. I want to welcome Dr Tara Armstead. She is the Dean of Students at a school in Phoenix and has been an educator for over 18 years. Welcome.

Dr. Armstead: 0:30

Thank you for having me.

Christina McKelvy: 0:31

Let's start off by you know why don't you tell my audience a little bit about you, your background and your book that?

Dr. Armstead: 0:37

you have. So, as far as who I am and my background, I was a child that grew up. I had both parents, did not have any major struggles that some would think, but I did fight against rejection and depression and suicidal thoughts for a significant amount of time in my life, and so getting into the field of education for me was to go and try to correct what I experienced when I was in school, because the teacher I am is the teacher I wish I had, and my book is an extension of that. So I've worked with a lot of different students in a lot of different situations of that. So I've worked with a lot of different students in a lot of different situations and after 2020, a lot of students were saying you need to write a book, you need to tell our story, and so that's what the book is. It's from my perspective as a student and a teacher, but also the feedback that I got from my students.

Christina McKelvy: 1:34

You know, Dr Armstead, I love that you just said the teacher I am is the teacher I wish I had.

Dr. Armstead: 1:40

Yes, definitely, and that's because so part of the book sometimes when people read the title, they they get a little in their feelings, because I say that education can make people think that different is bad, and a lot of us, if we really took the time to think about it, we can remember at least one teacher that made us feel like we were deficient because we were different, and so I remember feeling that way. Most of the time it was like a math class, because that's one of my weak areas. And so you get me.

Christina McKelvy: 2:19

Oh, my goodness, yes.

Dr. Armstead: 2:20

The the. The main thing I wanted to do was ensure that students do not feel deficient just because they're different. I want them to embrace that, because you're only going to be successful and leave a legacy when you you hold true to yourself.

Christina McKelvy: 2:37

I mean when you say difference, let's break that apart. What would you say? Societal or the concept of different that we may say, especially in education? That definition may be and your definition of difference. Is there a difference?

Dr. Armstead: 2:52

Society is very embracing of extroverted individuals who they're hardworking, they strive to reach their goal all the time and that kind of thing. In education it's kind of the same. So I'm an introvert, dominant person. A lot of people mistake me for being extrovert, but when you go into a classroom, the expectation is that you come in. You're obedient, as some like to say. You do the work, you meet the expectations, but you're this bubbly type of individual when it comes to interacting with others. So if you have a child that comes from a household that has shaped them to be an introvert, they're seen as different. If you have a child who does not learn by direct instruction all the time, they're seen as different. And then if you get into those who may have autism or some ADHD or something like that, they're seen as different and deficient rather than. This is an opportunity for me as an educator to learn how to better teach all young people instead of saying, oh, you just need to mold into what everybody else is doing.

Christina McKelvy: 4:05

So embracing differences as opposed to changing the difference and having individuals kind of mold to society.

Dr. Armstead: 4:14

Right, because I mean we just look at the major changes that have happened in society.

Christina McKelvy: 4:22

They all were started by somebody who was seen as different. Yeah, and you know, neurodiversity is something that has been. You know a lot of. There's a lot more education around neurodiversity, right, and you know a lot of changes. Let's speak a little bit more about neurodiversity and what that might look like, especially you know and your belief in the appropriate way to educate someone that might be neurodiverse.

Dr. Armstead: 4:45

I just feel like you have to as an educator, and this is what I do. As an educator, I feel like I need to learn how my students learn, so I should be teaching in a way that they learn, rather than trying to get them to learn in the way that I teach. That was a struggle I had when I was in school, because I'm not a one set type of learner, so there's certain subjects where I'm an auditory learner and others are more visual. But, growing up, most teachers if you have a student who may be neurodivergent, it's still this mindset of well, you're just going to have to figure out how to do it the way that I do it, and so that's where those to me, that's where the deficiencies come from, because you're not learning the child. You're forcing the child to be who you want them to be.

Christina McKelvy: 5:38

My bachelor's is in interdisciplinary studies, with an emphasis on childhood education, and I remember that we had to form our lesson plans to make sure that we were individualizing education. However, in reality, that was not. We weren't able to do that and I know I struggled a lot, just growing up myself with teachers saying this is how you need to learn. Yes, even though as an adult, I realized my learning style and I wish I had that learning style. I wish they taught me that way when I was younger Right, but I had to become an adult to learn it. I had to finish my education to figure out how I needed to learn back then.

Dr. Armstead: 6:20

Right, it's backwards and some people think it's more difficult than what it is. When I say teaching according to how your students learn, it's just basically giving them a chance to be the leader in the classroom, because to me, I feel like the best education is when the adult is the facilitator.

Dr. Armstead: 6:38

Because to me, I feel like the best education is when the adult is the facilitator, because then you really get to sit back and see what the interests of all these students are. So then when you're teaching something you can bring that into it, because even though teachers teach the same content every single year, the way that they teach it should not be the same way every year, because they're not the same students every year.

Christina McKelvy: 7:00

You have kinetic learners, auditory learners, visual learners, those that use all three, and maybe even outside of that. Is that still a predominant theory of the different learning styles, or has that changed a little bit? Or do you have a different viewpoint?

Dr. Armstead: 7:15

It's the same, but I have this difficulty in putting students in one type of learning style, cause that's what I see a lot of. So like going back to math, it wasn't until I got older that I realized that I am a visual and auditory learner. When it comes to math, if I have either, or I struggle on a serious level. But usually what we do is we have students take some type of test or survey and they'll get kinesthetic learner. And now everybody thinks in every subject that's the way they learn. But it's not. It's different in every subject, because if you put me in an ELA class, I may look like I'm not paying attention, because all I need to do is hear it and then I can tackle the assignment.

Christina McKelvy: 8:03

I really think that's a really great point that you're making, that you know we put students into a box saying, okay, you learn. You know by using your hands. You know you're an auditory learner, you're a visual learner for all subjects. Where different subjects are different. Math is very different from english versus science and thinking back to when I was younger, I was very tactile, kinetic, learning through, like with science yes love geology because you were, you know, you held rocks and you're able to see it and feel it.

Christina McKelvy: 8:36

And then the concepts became natural and math. I sucked at math until I took Math 100. And it was taught some. I don't know if it was the Russian style way or whatnot, but basically I had to write a paper on an equation, a three-page paper on just one equation. Oh wow, yeah, it sounds ridiculous. However, I understood the equation and I found it fascinating. So, you know, I think that's really that's a really great point that you make, that everyone has a different learning style and everyone has a different learning style with different subjects.

Dr. Armstead: 9:13

Yes.

Christina McKelvy: 9:15

So how do you rectify that with our state of education today? You know especially public, the public school system.

Dr. Armstead: 9:22

I question I know we're gonna solve it now is because number one, those who are higher up in education that have the power to do this, that and the other, based on their experience in education. That's where their belief in its priority comes from. So if they grew up and they had a traumatic experience in education, they don't care about switching anything right now. They don't care to hear hey, this is why students aren't engaged. You're teaching it this way. You need to consider this. I think the other side of that too.

Dr. Armstead: 10:08

I've noticed, the longer that I've stayed in the field, that we are becoming less and less human in the system of education. So we are focused on testing, we're focused on grades. We're not focused on what are the actual things that are causing students to be more aggressive, more disengaged. The parents to check out. And when somebody brings those things up, it's usually like oh well, that's just feelings and those kind of things. We don't need to consider that, or you know, that's not the real issue, because no matter how much money or curriculum we've thrown at education, we can all clearly see that it's not solving the major issues we see.

Christina McKelvy: 11:07

I'm sitting with that because there's so many different ideas on how to solve the crisis of education and I think a lot of people agree that. You know, individualized education is a must and it's not always doable, especially in low SES areas.

Dr. Armstead: 11:27

Am.

Christina McKelvy: 11:27

I correct on that, yes.

Dr. Armstead: 11:30

Yeah, I, just so to give you an example I taught at a title one school no-transcript. And so I told him I said go in my office screen, yell whatever you need to do, just don't break anything. And then, when you're ready to come out of there, come sit out here on the bleachers and let's talk. So when he came out and sat on the bleachers and I just simply asked him like what's going on? Like this is not typical for you, and he told me that A couple of days ago his father had told him that him and his siblings were going to go visit their mom in the hospital, and so when they got to the hospital, she was already deceased and the father knew that but did not tell them that. And so he was saying that he was talking with another classmate and he said something like I'm going to beat you up so bad, I'm going to send you to the hospital, or something like that. And hearing that word hospital triggered him and the reason why I didn't realize it at the time, but the reason why he was so quick to yell and argue with his teachers all of his teachers were female and he just lost his mom.

Dr. Armstead: 13:17

And so I'm sitting there talking with him. His class is over having this discussion. I just look at him and I'm like, do you need a hug? And he grabbed me so tight and didn't let go for the longest time and from that point on I could talk to him and tell him like, look, I get it. I'll never understand that type of pain. But you have to understand that some people don't know what's going on in your life unless you tell them. So you can't get angry if they don't know. But you got to have that conversation and years after that I was in a Target. It was during COVID lockdown, so I had a mask on, I had a different hairstyle. And I'm standing there talking with my mom and all of a sudden somebody walks up to me and says, hey, are you, miss Armstead from Baba Baba? And I was like yeah.

Dr. Armstead: 14:15

He was like hey, it's me, and it was just my voice that he remembered, so that sticks with me because that's what I mean by individualizing education is yes, he's going to get his consequences, yes, he's going to need some additional help with academics, but take the time and let that child know I see you and I hear you and I value you, because now, no matter where I am, if that child sees me, they're not going to remember what I was teaching.

Christina McKelvy: 14:46

They're going to remember this person loved me and they will work harder. He felt that and that motivated him not necessarily like not just behaviorally to do better, but academically right and he succeeded and thrived wow yeah, that's kind of stuff that I I can have. I have stories for days let's go for it, and so these are stories that are in your book yes, yeah, so my book is real authentic.

Dr. Armstead: 15:37

It Some people have said it's kind of like a conviction, because I'm not saying I'm a perfect educator and I have it all together. But I think the way that we're trained to be educators, we forget sometimes that it's not all meant to be robotic, that it's not all meant to be robotic.

Dr. Armstead: 15:58

So when I speak about certain things like I talk about dress codes and different things like that it's not a traditional type of opinion about it and it gets people to think like that is true or I never thought about that, instead of just washing over everything instead of washing over everything, what are some examples that you would want to share?

Christina McKelvy: 16:23

you know you mentioned the story of you know this child. Are there additional um themes in your book that you want to highlight? Yes, um.

Dr. Armstead: 16:32

the main thing and it you will see um or who are, they will see whomever reads the book is that my main goal for education is reconciliation. There's very much a we versus them when it comes to education. We meaning those who are employees of the school, and then them, the student, the parents and whomever else. And so, even when it comes to administration, I will never forget my first year teaching. The principal called me into the office because at the time you had to go to the administrator's office to find out if you had a contract or not, and I was told that I was not going to be renewed because she felt that I didn't fit in education. When was this?

Christina McKelvy: 17:23

Like the beginning of your career, Like I guess that's what I'm asking.

Dr. Armstead: 17:25

My very first year of teaching, oh my goodness. And so she said I didn't fit in education and I needed to go back to college and look at finding a different career. And I remember sitting there like what? Like I just spent all this time getting this degree and you told me I don't fit in education and I wanted to quit. Like I tell everybody, I wanted to quit 18 years ago because I did not want to try to prove myself. But I believe the reason why she felt that way was because I was different. And so that goes back to that title, where different is seen as deficient rather than different should be seen as something that can shift, something for the positive. I am not a traditional teacher. I speak about things I typically. I've had lots of people tell me you say what people are thinking but are afraid to say. And so my first year of teaching, I didn't want to go in there and be a robot.

Dr. Armstead: 18:30

I was trying to connect with the students and play the music that they enjoyed, and I guess that's what it means to not fit in education.

Christina McKelvy: 18:38

And what grade was that?

Dr. Armstead: 18:39

That was kindergarten through fifth grade.

Christina McKelvy: 18:42

Okay, okay. So you were told because you were, because you were different, you didn't fit that mold. Your boss basically said go back to college. Go back to school for another four years, get a different career. And you were like no, you. You bounced back, you had that resilience and now you're here as a dean of students. You mentioned reconciliation earlier. I'm curious the link between having that reconciliation you know, students having reconciliation and their resilience in education or in general like that link. If you see there's a link in there Once.

Dr. Armstead: 19:21

So basically, what I mean about reconciliation is, once people know that you want them on your team and you're genuine about it, they are going to work harder than you in some instances and they are always going to be willing to step up. But when they feel like, oh, I'm just additional help, I'm not really needed, then that's where we see what we do now. I believe personally. I believe that's why parental engagement is low. I believe that's why student engagement is low. I believe that's why a lot of teachers are leaving the field, because there's no. That's why a lot of teachers are leaving the field because there's no sense of we're in this together. It is very much. Even me being an administrator, I get flat because I let staff know I'm not here and you're here up top and I'm at. You know I'm up top and you're at the bottom. We're in the same boat. We need to do this together because the ultimate goal is student success, not mine.

Christina McKelvy: 20:22

Yeah, you're a guide and you know, I think Western society tends to have that leader like. I'm up here, you know, look at me, ivory tower. You know, follow me, I'm the expert, whereas a lot of other cultures have more of like. I'm going to walk alongside you.

Dr. Armstead: 20:38

I did this.

Christina McKelvy: 20:39

I don't know if it's an ABA model, but someone that I know that's a BCBA and I use this as well. You know some of my parents that I counsel it's I do, we do, you do, and so I think a lot of culture is like we're going to do this together. You know, observe me, we'll do it together, and now I will have you do it on your own, but I will be there to guide you and support you instead of I'm the expert.

Christina McKelvy: 21:06

look at me, follow me, don't question me yes, that is huge and I'm assuming that you you questioned yeah how did you guess I? Don't know, it was just a guess, because I did the same thing and yeah, anyways go ahead.

Dr. Armstead: 21:27

I mean, and it's not me questioning, as though like I'm questioning somebody's authority.

Christina McKelvy: 21:33

It's me saying why do we keep doing this?

Dr. Armstead: 21:37

Oh yes, I mean, I served on a school board I think it was three years ago and that was the one reason why I eventually had to step down after five months, because there was almost like so much hatred for me asking questions to get to the root of the cause lot, because I want to know why is it that we do this? Is it because it's what's comfortable? Is it because we fear what may happen if we step out of that? Because if it's not working, why keep doing it? And that's a major thing in education right now. I don't question why we train educators the way we do to say, hey, this whole thing sucks and we need to start all over.

Dr. Armstead: 22:22

But, like, why are we training teachers to believe that when they get in the classroom, there's perfect students and all you have to do is be in control and everything is going to be good, rather than having them do one semester of student teaching in an alternative school and then the other semester in a gen ed school so they can see that you know, some of these students are going to be in your classroom. What are you going to do to create that connection of being human first?

Christina McKelvy: 22:51

That's the key being human first.

Dr. Armstead: 22:54

Yes, but it's scary for some people and I don't understand why.

Christina McKelvy: 22:59

Hmm, to see the human? Yes, I'm not sure.

Dr. Armstead: 23:02

Okay, or to be human. I actually got some negative feedback because I had a conversation with a student one time who asked me why, like, was I married? And I explained. I told him no, I'm divorced, I'm a single parent, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the adults felt like, oh, you don't need to be that personal with students, but my attitude is why not? Then they know if they're in a single parent household? Here's somebody else that, okay, cool, she can. I know what she's going through because my mom is going through it. It's not just me.

Christina McKelvy: 23:39

They see themselves in you or they see their situation in you. You have that attunement.

Dr. Armstead: 23:45

Exactly.

Christina McKelvy: 23:46

Yeah, and I'm sure that attunement between educator and student again helps with that reconciliation you're talking about, helps with that student moving forward and being successful. It does. It's huge.

Dr. Armstead: 23:58

I mean, think about your favorite teacher and why they were your favorite teacher. And it's because they were human. They made you feel seen and heard, not because they were this dictator in the classroom.

Christina McKelvy: 24:16

So that's really true, mr Walsh, that was his name, and I was teased when I was younger. A lot so was I.

Dr. Armstead: 24:37

When I was younger.

Christina McKelvy: 24:37

I was very awkward and it was in third grade, my third grade teacher, and he sent me to his wife's classroom for the day to help the second graders, you know, to help them out and it was like I was kind of like already questioning, like why is he doing that? I came back and all the students were super nice to me. Christina, that's a really great drawing. Oh, my goodness, you're a great writer, christina. I love your shirt, and a lot of it was empty platitudes, but what I found out was he spoke to them about why are you so mean to her?

Christina McKelvy: 24:58

And it was a specific incident that happened because it was ongoing teasing. A lot of kids were teased you know I wasn't the only one, but it was a specific incident that triggered him to talk to them and that stuck with me because he you know whether you agree with the approach or not he saw me and he really wanted to nip that in the bud.

Christina McKelvy: 25:21

Now that only lasted for a few months because it was third grade, right, you know, but that's that has stuck with me forever. And the teachers that did not the other teachers that stick with me are the teachers that didn't see me as human. Yes, or? Didn't hear me, didn't see me and human, yes, or didn't hear me, didn't see me.

Dr. Armstead: 25:41

And I talk about some of those in my book too. I also. I do music, so I have music on Spotify and there's one song called.

Dr. Armstead: 25:48

Educational Trauma, and that is a song where I talk about a lot of things that happened to me. So the good teachers are the ones that we remember, but also those ones that, like they just created I just call it educational trauma they created some part of you that you will never forget about education, and I think that's why it's so important for me, when I'm talking with parents, to share those things, because then they can understand that just because I'm in this position doesn't mean I had a perfect experience. So because some parents don't come to the school because of the trauma they had when they were little. So I want to break that down by saying, hey, this is what I've experienced, this is what I've gone through. So you see the human sitting here, but then you also see this passionate dean of students that's trying to help your child from a heart perspective.

Christina McKelvy: 26:51

Let's dig into that a little bit more. Your experience growing up Because that, you know, sounds like that played a huge role in you being an educator. You've seen the systemic issues in the field of education. Wanting to make a change, you know is. Are there any pivotal moments you would feel okay sharing with my listeners that helped propel you to this work?

Dr. Armstead: 27:11

So there's two very specific instances, and one of them well, actually three. It started in third grade. I don't know why third grade is where a lot of students have trauma.

Christina McKelvy: 27:21

I know Right.

Dr. Armstead: 27:23

But I went to. I was at a Catholic school at the time and we were coming back from lunch and the nun wanted everybody to go to the bathroom and at the time I didn't have to go to the bathroom, so I didn't go. And then we went back to the classroom and we were in there for about an hour or so and I had to go to the restroom and I asked her and she said no. So I asked her a couple more times and she was like no, you should have went when I told you to go. And I ended up using the bathroom on myself and the whole class laughing at me and then her calling my parents and lying and telling my parents I had an accident because I had refused to go to the bathroom and it was really just. I didn't have to go when you told me to go. But now that I have to go, now you're holding me hostage. And the reason why that? That's why I'm not such a controlling teacher and I don't get triggered when students don't necessarily want to do something that I'm asking them to do, because sometimes it's not like a rebellion thing, sometimes it's just they don't want to do it. At the time. They don't trust me, trust me.

Dr. Armstead: 28:39

The second instance was math. I don't know why, when I was a child, me and math, just we did not get along. And so it was seventh grade, math. I was getting bullied in the band class before that class and so he I remember he was teaching some kind of I don't even remember on the board and I just it was not clicking. And so I raised my hand to ask if he could explain it one more time and his exact words were well, maybe if you weren't talking you would understand it. And I just started crying and I remember it was like a pool of tears on my desk Again, students laughing at me. He called the principal down, said I was being disruptive to the class, um called my parents and told them that I wasn't paying attention and all that kind of stuff, and from seventh grade on I struggled in math completely. Last instance was high school. I was heavily, severely bullied in high school and in fact in seventh grade I actually had attempted suicide because of bullying.

Dr. Armstead: 29:47

So when I got to high school I was just completely at my wits end and I woke up one morning and I said I'm not going to talk unless somebody talks to me. I started school at 7.10 am and school ended at 2.10 pm. I did not talk that entire day so no students spoke to me. The teacher didn't call on me, no one said hey. When I was in the hallway, no one acknowledged me. So I literally sat silent for a whole entire eight hours.

Dr. Armstead: 30:21

And that pushed me further into education to say, even if this child does not like me for personal reasons, I'm going to acknowledge them and say hey or good morning, or how are you? Because I don't know if that child is feeling the same way that I am, or internalizing this mindset of nobody's talking to me so I don't need to be here. So those are very three. I've gone through a lot but those are three significant situations that really, even some days when I'm like you know what, maybe I need to get out of education because this is too tough right now, even some days when I'm like you know what, maybe I need to get out of education because this is too tough right now, those are the things that keep me in it and push me to have that motivation. Like it may not be seen right now, but later on in life you're going to see the fruit of your labor.

Dr. Armstead: 31:12

Because, I didn't go through all that stuff just to suffer. I believe I went through that so I could be a different teacher, even though different is seen as deficient in education.

Christina McKelvy: 31:23

Yeah, different is seen as deficient when it really shouldn't be right. Yeah, and those experiences that you mentioned. It's interesting. It's third and seventh grade. Both are very critical ages. You know where kids are changing, you know.

Christina McKelvy: 31:39

Third, grade eight, nine, you're, and then you're, you know, years old, seventh grade, I think. It's like 12, 13, high school, you know. So those are all very significant ages and one thing that was one thing that's interesting is in your high school experience, like you know the teacher you mentioned, like teacher saying hi, even if you don't like the teacher still, or if you know the student doesn't like you still saying hi, you know, seeing the human, you might be the only safe adult that they have yes, yes, and in fact this year.

Dr. Armstead: 32:14

Um, it's funny because usually students say they're scared of me when they see me because they say I'm very stern and serious face, and then when they see I'm a big kid, they're like, oh no, she just looks mean. But I had a student this year. He reminded me of myself so much in high school.

Dr. Armstead: 32:34

Um, it was a time where I think it was a situation where him and his girlfriend had broke up yeah and all of a sudden he was just going off campus and I had built a connection with his mom and I had texted her like your son is not on campus, did you know about it? She's like no, nobody contacted me. So she took off work, went looking, got him on the phone and this child was about to walk into oncoming traffic on I-17 oh my goodness.

Dr. Armstead: 33:07

And she pulled up to the school, handed me the phone and said I need you to talk to my son, I just need you to talk to, oh, my lungs. And I'm like, don't do me. You are about to do me. I cannot let you do that.

Christina McKelvy: 33:35

If no one else has said it.

Dr. Armstead: 33:37

I love you, Listen to me. And so eventually I was able to go and with his mom and get him and and just talk to him.

Dr. Armstead: 33:48

And ever since then, just talk to him. And ever since then there's sometimes I don't even need to say a word to him. He, he knows, I'm just making sure that you're good. And I think those those situations, and that one specifically, had I not gone through what I went through, where I felt rejected and I felt, you know what, let me just pop these aspirin pills I know I'm super allergic to and then kill myself, if I hadn't gone through that, I would not have been able to connect with this child. And so that passion sometimes or that leniency with some students people see it as me being weak or a pushover, but they don't understand. It's because I can feel what that child is going through, because I've been there and I don't want them to do me, I don't want them to make my mistake.

Christina McKelvy: 34:38

Don't do me, and that was that self-disclosure.

Dr. Armstead: 34:42

You were telling the child don't do me.

Christina McKelvy: 34:45

You were being human and I'm sure a lot of teachers would never share that much info at the time.

Dr. Armstead: 34:51

No, definitely not. Yeah, I don't know why it's scary, though I feel like I just want I want students to understand that where you are now is not where you're always going to be, and to embrace the fact that you see things different, because for many years of my life, even being an educator, I tried to do what everybody else was doing, because that's how I thought I was going to find success, but actually all it did was suppress who I was really meant to be, to save these students from whatever situations they might get into and it's interesting because in the field of mental health it's similar.

Christina McKelvy: 35:44

You know, there's the whole blank slate.

Christina McKelvy: 35:46

You know, don't disclose as the therapist, again because of that perception of authority right and and sometimes that's appropriate, but other times, you know, when I have disclosed the clients and said me too, I understand, I see you, I hear you because I was there. Our alignment strengthens and I'm still, you know, still walking alongside them, but it shifts and they have that hope. Yes, and you know so, I, I could totally see how in education it would be similar and that hope, yeah just like you mentioned, hope it's, it's it.

Dr. Armstead: 36:27

To me that's the main thing missing in education.

Dr. Armstead: 36:30

Um if you think about it, yeah test scores, college expectations, you know all the things that are put on children, that it it suppresses that hope that you know you can do something. Because, even though we are four years out of the lockdowns, we have to think about the fact that these young people went from being social and with their friends to silence only through a laptop. And then, even when they came back to school, it was, oh, you can't sit next to each other, you can't do this, you can't do that. And then after that it was, hey, it's normal. Hey, it's normal. That doesn't help a child mentally to even understand. Am I going to actually be able to function once I'm not in school, or am I okay because I don't know what I want to do after high school? There's a lot of suppression of the concept of giving them hope, even though there's all this negative stuff that they're still processing through.

Christina McKelvy: 37:29

And would you say that this generation has less hope for the future than our generation when we were growing?

Dr. Armstead: 37:37

up. I would say so. My son is currently 16. And when I hear him talk about, when he says, my generation, sometimes it actually breaks my heart because it does sound like they don't have hope, because they're looking at the previous generation, which is their parents, and how we're processing and struggling through this. So they're like, okay, well, if they're struggling, what the heck am I going to do? But my son also asked the question. He said why is it that this generation has to go through all of this negative stuff in the world? And I said it's because your generation is stronger than mine. That's why you were born at this specific time, because you guys are going to get older and this is going to be the foundation to make you stronger, more self-aware adults. My generation didn't have to go through all that. I think the craziest thing for me growing up was 9-11 and Y2K when everybody thought the world was going to shut down.

Christina McKelvy: 38:41

Yeah, in 2008, the economic crisis.

Dr. Armstead: 38:43

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Christina McKelvy: 38:44

I think, but that didn't really affect me as much. But yeah, 9-11, I was a sophomore junior. I was a junior in high school me as much.

Dr. Armstead: 38:50

But yeah, 9-11, I was a sophomore junior. I was a junior in high school, I had just graduated and of course I was not paying attention to the news. But my brother told me to turn on the TV and it just, completely like I explained to my son, I'm, like you imagine, going from planes flying and hearing all this noise to now just silence. And now you go to the airport.

Dr. Armstead: 39:08

You got to take your shoes off and your family. And now you go to the airport. You got to take your shoes off and your family can't come with you to the gate, like that was significant, but it wasn't a social silence like they had to go through. I can never imagine that.

Christina McKelvy: 39:22

Oh, yes, and speaking of today's youth and the social aspects, yes, the pandemic, that social silence and I love that term, that is such an accurate term but you know, social media plays a huge role in our youth today. You know, the young Gen Z and Alpha, I don't know, I don't remember either. Alpha I don't know, I don't remember either. You know, but yeah, and so I'm sure that social media is obviously has its influence in their perception of hope in their future yes, and I the thing about that too.

Dr. Armstead: 40:06

Again, me being different and me questioning um. A lot of teachers want to fight social media and the educational setting, but I I find that it's easier if we use it to our benefit. So there's been times where students have have asked questions about certain concepts or whatever.

Christina McKelvy: 40:28

And.

Dr. Armstead: 40:28

I show them how they can go on TikTok TikTok especially and get those answers quickly and then have them teach a classmate you learned it, Now you teach, and if you can't teach it, that means you haven't learned it.

Dr. Armstead: 40:45

Or just pulling up videos that somebody may have on there and having them watch it at the beginning of class and then having them have a conversation about it and just to check in, and what I find is that if you don't fight those things, then again you're seen as human and your students are going to respect you.

Dr. Armstead: 41:06

I play Fortnite because of my students. I play Fortnite because of my students I talk about, I stream my video games online because of my students, because they were in class talking about it all the time. So I'm going to waste more energy trying to fight and get them to be quiet than to just say, oh yeah, let's get back to what we need to handle. But social media is also negative. If they are, they don't have any boundaries with it, and so I think that's why we have to stop blaming parents and start, as a system, recognizing that if we're irritated with it in our classroom, let's have that honest discussion about how it can be harmful, instead of just remaining quiet and expecting parents to handle it or thinking that a suspension or detention is going to stop them from using it.

Christina McKelvy: 42:02

And it doesn't.

Dr. Armstead: 42:03

No, absolutely not.

Christina McKelvy: 42:05

They find a way, they find a way, and so what are some of the things you're doing besides, you know, being an administrator? What are some additional things that you're doing within the Arizona area or just in general you know, to make change? You know I have some things listed, like the homeless initiative.

Dr. Armstead: 42:30

Yes. So I started that homelessness initiative when I went out I think it was last summer and I was working with another friend of mine who has a non-profit and passing out food, and I saw that there were a lot of teenagers. Um, and it broke me because I just I cannot imagine and I'm so thankful that my parents did not kick me out when I was 18. But from that I was. Every time the weather changes or something goes on, it just I just those are the first individuals I think about. Like something as simple in Arizona that we don't think about is sunglasses. Imagine experiencing homelessness and you're walking out on the streets in 115 degree weather and you don't even have sunglasses to protect your eyes or an umbrella. So I started that initiative and I want to keep it rolling, just to continuously be able to help those individuals out, because not everyone who is experiencing homelessness is an addict or put themselves in that situation. If it wasn't for my parents, I probably would be on the streets.

Dr. Armstead: 43:37

But I also go and volunteer in a detention center here in Phoenix. I work with another nonprofit and we go in and try to help those young people who are currently incarcerated to think about a business or a career goal that they can work to, create a vision for and develop it, so that when they do get released they do not end up back in there. Even working with those young people, it's more of again that being human and showing them that they're seen, rather than this hey, I'm not in coach, so to speak, and tell them like, just don't get stuck on what's happening right now, because if you're meant to do something special in this world, it is going to be more difficult for you than the average person, because if it's easy to create change, everyone will be able to create positive change. So the difficulties that we go through, they're not just for us to go through and suffer. They're supposed to be so that we can use that, in whatever realm we end up in, to make a change and create that legacy.

Christina McKelvy: 45:06

And, like you mentioned at the beginning of the episode, all of the change makers were perceived as different.

Dr. Armstead: 45:12

Yes.

Christina McKelvy: 45:14

Yeah, and so using that difference to your advantage and seeing those children that may be different and help grow, that encourage it strengthen it and just acknowledge them.

Dr. Armstead: 45:27

I think a lot of students go unacknowledged yeah, and that's where they go to school and they're just like, well, I don't care. Or they're out on the streets doing things to hurt themselves because they don't feel like anybody sees them foster that hope and being just seeing the human humanity and I think that's something that we're losing and we need to bring back, you know, into education, into mental health, into healthcare, politics, everything, everything, everything, life, exactly.

Christina McKelvy: 46:01

Well, Dr Armstead, I would like to ask you this question. I ask everybody, since we are, excuse me, wrapping up what gives you hope? What brings you hope?

Dr. Armstead: 46:16

Wow, that's a. So there's a few things that give me hope. Um, number one I am a believer. Um, so God is my ultimate hope. Um, I have been through some, through some very dark days and, in fact, in 2020, I almost passed, and so coming through that and knowing that I survived, that is what gives me the hope to focus on the fact that it is going to get better and it is going to be sunshine on the other side of the clouds.

Dr. Armstead: 46:52

The other thing that gives me hope is my son. He has seen me in my worst. He seen me in the midst of custody battle, getting laid off from a job, all those things and he still turns around and tells me I'm learning from you and I'm learning from your mistakes too, so that I can go and do better. And that just gives me hope because it reminds me that, even when we don't get it right, there's somebody that's going to use it to get it right. So those are the two biggest things and, of course, my parents. I'm the baby of the family, so I'm kind of spoiled, but my parents have a unique story themselves and the stuff that they went through just to be the successful individuals they are now is still. That brings me hope because I don't get stuck on in this moment. I have to keep recognizing that as long as I'm moving, it's better than me sitting still.

Christina McKelvy: 47:55

As long as I'm moving, it's better than me sitting still. Well, thank you so much for being on my podcast and everything you're doing to change education, to see the human in your students. You can find all. I'll put all your information in the show notes, but you know why don't you share? Where can people find you?

Dr. Armstead: 48:20

Well, I am everywhere.

Christina McKelvy: 48:22

I saw that. That's why I was like I'll just let you do it.

Dr. Armstead: 48:26

So because I was on a school board, I can't hide anymore.

Christina McKelvy: 48:30

I'm on.

Dr. Armstead: 48:31

Instagram at Dr Armstead. I'm on TikTok at Dr Armstead-AZ. I am on YouTube, Dr Armstead-AZ, and those are pretty much the major ways to find me and for anybody listening, just know that you may support me on some of the things that I say sometimes, but then other times you'll be like I don't know what she's talking about. She's crazy.

Christina McKelvy: 48:59

It's not just life, though.

Dr. Armstead: 49:01

You know yes.

Christina McKelvy: 49:02

Um, but we'll thank you so much for you know, like I said, coming on here and I will post all that information in my show notes, and, and I will post all that information in my show notes, and, yeah, let's you know. I hope that everyone has a hopeful and healing rest of their day. No-transcript.